Tag Archives: Dr. Pepper

A letter to an old friend


Dear Dr. Pepper,

I realized it had been awhile since last I wrote, and I couldn’t let another moment go by without dropping you a quick note.  I know we’re at this point in our relationship where we don’t have to show our affection as strongly as we used to, because, well, we both know how the other feels.  That being true, I still need to say some things out loud.

I don’t know why people always give you such a hard time.  They’re jealous, probably. That’s the only explanation I can fathom. It can’t be that the things they say are true, because they simply aren’t.

I ONCE HEARD SOMEONE SAY YOU TASTED LIKE PRUNES! Bah, I shouldn’t have told you that. I know about your self-esteem issues. That guy on the TV always saying that Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like you, that has to eat away at you. Well, you know what? No one tastes like you, not even your cousin, Diet Cherry Vanilla.  So, okay, someone said you tasted like prunes. Big whoop. You don’t. Not unless prunes taste like chocolate purple scrotums dipped in carbonated heaven clouds. Do they? I don’t know, I’ve never had a prune.

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